Have you ever been totally divided on where to be when there are at least 2 different options for where you feel you must be? Have you felt split in the heart…Do I go here, Do I go there? Where to go and where to be? – that is the question. Most everyone who reads this will probably have experienced this many, many times in life. Choices. Decisions. Multiple plans, projects, and places – all happening in and around the same time. Maybe someone is stranded at the fork in the road right now, debating what to “partake of” and what to “decline” or “postpone.”
We certainly do struggle with omnipresence. Our physical limitations place restrictions on us. Very much unlike God and the beauty of the Godhead, we can’t be everywhere, all the time, in each and every situation. He can. He is. He will be.
I have found this to perhaps be one of the most challenging, heart wrenching aspects of having a son with cancer, who needs to travel 3 hours in each direction for treatment, appointments, tests, and follow ups. With no options for pediatric hematology/oncology on the coast, and with some limitations to what is even offered in Greenville (ECU), the consistent weekly journey to UNC Chapel Hill is necessary. More available resources. More research and clinical trial information. A teaching and learning facility. Surely Eli is in one of the best hospital-clinics within a day’s drive. But that doesn’t solve the issue: His treatment is there and the life of our family is here.
More recently, and forgive me if I am lamenting – this has surfaced with his near weekly stays in Chapel Hill. As we get into tomorrow, Tuesday, this will complete a cycle of 26 days in Chapel Hill out of the past 52. I believe that math is correct. Yet, other responsibilities remain here, in Carteret County. So this dad has experienced that torn heart – that willingness to be here when I am there, and there when I am here (I hope that makes sense). But beyond this, of course, I think of Eli, and Angela, and Sandy, my mother-in-law. It is not fun to be confined to a pediatric cancer floor, for 6 days at a time, with your son and grandson. I think and pray for them constantly, when I am here.
I say much of this to say this: I am so glad our God is omnipresent and transcends all of time, space, matter, and distance. I am glad that when there are 5 and 6 days when I don’t get to see my son and my wife, that He brings them close in spirit. It’s like they are planted in my heart – even as miles separate us physically. The peace He provides, and delivers, passes the understanding. It goes far beyond it. So many times I have thought and said, “I can’t imagine living, or being, without God being an active, welcomed part of my life.” More recently, that has also become, “I can’t imagine facing something like this, a diagnosis like this, without having God as the centerpiece of life.” Same thing really – but the context is expanded. We really need Him close all the time, friends.
I would just like to ask my family and friends, who might actually read this – to continue to pray for Eli (first) and to add our family to your prayer list as well. The next 8 week phase was shared with Angela this past Saturday, and while we were thinking and hoping for somewhat of a break in the intensity of the treatment plan and travels, it appears that won’t happen until October. Surely Eli needs this next phase – but so much is happening right here at home too. Just pray that God, in His infinite and supreme will, would make a way where there seems to be no way. Perhaps the challenges we face with logistics are mere opportunities for His power to be demonstrated. I believe He can – I believe He will.
I pray for you. May His presence be manifested in every area of your life. No matter what the challenge is today – God is bigger, greater, and far more powerful. He has overcome the world. Be blessed and be light. You are loved!
With thanks and gratitude,
6 thoughts on “Where to Go, Where to Be? – that is the question”
True words brother. In this life we have troubles, pain and sorrows that make no sense to us, yet these are opportunities, I do believe, to get to know God intimately so when we get to Heaven we will not be strangers. You are loved and your family is prayed for. Listen to this YouTube song. Cry alittle if your need to, or want to. I usually do each time I hear it myself. kerry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAz7K72a8ks
This is a word best described through the pain. Blessings be upon you brother, the Lord is truly among you and he is Jehovah Shammah!!!
Love to you my friend!
Thanks brother for the support, love, help, encouragement. God is able, always :)
I know right where you are coming from, it’s not an easy road that for sure. I remember those days like they were yesterday. My prayers are with Eli and your family.
Thanks Kristi for the input – we know it is a road you all are all to familiar with. There are good days, there are bad days. There are times you feel things are going well, then, things seem to take a nose dive. Thank you for praying for us, and perhaps one day we can get together with you to just talk about everything?
Having been where you are I am reminded of that pain so many years ago…you are so remembered in our thoughts and prayers….